i am wondering about the "feel is appropriate" bit. for example it's totally no skin off my back to call a big, burly person with chest hair and a beard "doris" and she, if the person so desires. i absolutely see gender identity as a personal ... well, maybe not choice because it's clearly not a choice for everyone... orientation is probably a better word. anyway, i see it as personal, and it's not for me to judge it, but to respect it instead. i so very much wish we'd get away (as a society) from tying gender identity and gender expression and biological sex together. the only thing where that really matters is when having actual sex with a person, and then it's highly personal as well, and nobody else's business.

i know that lots of people have strong rules about gender, and which gender is allowed what and where, and i know some of the issues are complicated, and some people have fears and want to keep other-gendered people out of their club (michigan womyn's music festical, i am looking at you). but for me personally, it's incredibly simple -- you are what you want to be. and yes, you can change your mind. i can get used to new names and pronouns easily.

personally i started to feel comfortable about it right away online; i've always felt much more like myself online. offline, i continue to cope with the "wrong" pronoun because, well, i present as the "wrong" gender unless i go through lots of uncomfortable stuff, and i have more important things to worry about than other people's preconceptions these days. as long as partners and friends respect my wishes, that's good enough.