Facing the awful
May. 30th, 2009 03:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ceriThere are a lot of things we manage to endure as long as we must, and then no longer. Whether we burned through inner resources, received some outward grace, or what have you, it's a common rhythm: when the moment of release comes, then we look back and wonder how we ever made it through, and how we could ever possibly do it again. Likewise, there are things we set aside because, well, there's nothing to be done about it and we have to live our lives if we're not going to choose suicide by calculation or neglect, and so they wait because they have to. But then there's the flip side of that relief from the endured, where now the passed-by things must be faced.
That's where I seem to be with physical appraisal at the moment. There's parts of my current condition that I've been aware of but not thinking about the implications of simply because there was nothing I could do about them. The good side of progress is, well, all the stuff I burble about here. I like being happy, and having reasons to be happy, and sharing happiness, just as I like hearing about others' successes and pleasures. The not so good side is the need for honest assessment, so that I can work out what I need to do and set priorities.
But damn is it a drag sometimes. So much wrong, such a complicated matrix of prerequisites and dependencies to fix. I mean, it beats not knowing and not making any progress, but...I haven't yet found the reservoirs I'll need to draw on to deal with all of this.
(And being sick today doesn't help.)
That's where I seem to be with physical appraisal at the moment. There's parts of my current condition that I've been aware of but not thinking about the implications of simply because there was nothing I could do about them. The good side of progress is, well, all the stuff I burble about here. I like being happy, and having reasons to be happy, and sharing happiness, just as I like hearing about others' successes and pleasures. The not so good side is the need for honest assessment, so that I can work out what I need to do and set priorities.
But damn is it a drag sometimes. So much wrong, such a complicated matrix of prerequisites and dependencies to fix. I mean, it beats not knowing and not making any progress, but...I haven't yet found the reservoirs I'll need to draw on to deal with all of this.
(And being sick today doesn't help.)
