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I've been really blah a lot lately, and want to write down my thoughts so far about what's up with it. Cut tag in place for those who just don't need the extra blah-talk.

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I try not to indulge in whining very much. It can get pretty dangerously self-destructive when you have real problems needing active attention. But sometimes it's good to go ahead and acknowledge the sentiment, as part of getting on with life.


My tummy really hurts.

It's the metformin (and the stress, and everything else I'm doing and taking). I have a hard time mustering much appetite, and I keep getting the runs. I get a lot of cramps. It all adds up to persistent and attention-commanding misery, even though it's certainly nothing like past chronic pains, or the complications of acute depression, or any number of things that are objectively much worse. It feels bad in a way many things don't.

I've got e-mail in to the doctor to review what I'm doing and see what, if anything, I should add. In the meantime, I whine.

ceri: (Default)
So here's the scorecard from Capitol Hill Medical:

#1. Yes, I'm diabetic, and need to start on medication. Fasting glucose was very high, and hemoglobin A1c was even higher.

#2. Triglycerides are very high, HDL very low, LDL particle size and distribution very bad. I'm actually already doing what he recommended I start (as far as exercise and fish oil supplements go), so we'll see what else I should be doing.

#3. Thyroid level is good - which I was concerned about - but testosterone level is 202, with a normal range of 241 to 827. That means supplementing it at least long enough to help with the weight and depression problems. Bah. Pfeah. Feck.

#4. I need to get vaccinated for hepatitis A and B.

#5. Vitamin D level is way low - 21.4, with a normal range of 32 to 100. Prescription-strength vitamin D for eight weeks, then over-the-counter dosages.

And now the weather...
ceri: Comic book word balloon for "Well done!" (Well done)
My regular readers know that I write "wow" a lot. The world often surprises and boggles me, and I like to note the fact. But it does leave me at a bit short when I want to really, really say "wow". Wow. WOW, even. Seattle Counseling Service impressed me a lot.

The woman who did my interview has a classic casual style, but completely professional manner. Parts of my experience with systemic illness were unfamiliar to her, but she had a frame of reference that anchored her well enough to provide incisive questions that helped me make important distinctions. She's the first person I actually said a lot of these things out loud to, rather than writing them out as previously. They sounded strange to me, some of them, but...right. Knowing myself, I imagine I'll have bouts of self-doubt for a long time to come, but I feel a lot more firmly set in the rightness of my wishes after having laid them out for someone else.

As for the help they can offer me..."all of it" seems a pretty fair description. I have here on my desk a referral to a physicians' practice that takes Medicaid and works with SCS on a regular basis, so they're prepared to deal with the medical side if and when. I've got a push to go follow up on the dentist lead I already have. And SCS will do the paperwork so that I can get disabled people's bus passes again. Within their own practice, they're set to help with the grief, depression, and anger I've got built up, as well as with sorting through my gender identity better, working out a plan of action, and then putting it into practice. Medicaid in my flavor entitles me to 33 hours a year of counseling, so I'll have biweekly appointments, with a scheduling call this week or next to set them up.

One last thing: she volunteered the suggestion, when we got to that question, that the obviously right answer to "Gender?" for all their internal paperwork is "Female." Whatever I can or can't do and choose to do or not about it, as far as they're concerned, I start off as female, and only the expression of it changes. I could get used to this.

ceri: (Default)
It turns out that pharmaceutical company Merck paid medical and scientific publisher Elsevier to put out several issues of a fake scientific journal, consisting entirely of reprinted and summarized articles. I'm not making this up. It's out there, to be cited by doctors who may or may not have any idea it's a fake. And it's clear that there are more than enough doctors and scientists willing to knowingly collaborate with them.

It's important for the rest of us to keep this in mind. When we go up against corporate power, and its political allies and lackeys, we're not going up against people acting in basically good faith stunted by ethical under-development and a culture that glorifies avarice. We're up against people who very consciously choose to perpetuate ongoing fraud for which there can be no excuse, no rationalizing. They lie, knowing that we will be hurt and regarding it as far less important than their revenues and profit margins. They're anti-human. They're bad people, not nice people, not confused people. They and their system are our enemies.

The beginning of liberation is the acknowledgement of truth, and the willingness to say "no" to evil. We have to keep doing that, in the face of this kind of thing. This isn't a fluke; this is only an episode that came to light to illuminate what they'd like to be standard practice.


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Ceri B.

April 2010

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