(no subject)

[ceri]

I'm guessing here that all my trans readers know exactly what I'm talking about when I say that I've been feeling the weight of my old persona a lot lately. I've lived a very great deal of my life online ever since it was an option, thanks to all my health problems, so there's this huge web of layered connections and expectations that is in some ways very welcome and helpful (as when friendships made online lead to life-saving referrals), and in others just a heck of a burden.

But I can do something about it! I explained to a bunch of old friends and acquaintances that with all the new medical challenges and everything, I simply need extra time and attention to deal with it, and therefore I was going to take a break from all my usual posting. It went over well, too. These are folks who know about more or less all the non-gender-anchored parts of my current situation and who wish me well.

So now I've got a couple of weeks where I am not expected to perform as B. at all. At all. Oh this feels so good.

(Yes, it's hippie progressive rock. Elodie and all you other young punks can get the hell off my lawn. I'll ost a clip from Doof or someone later in the week. :) )

Comments

[amokk]

I think "to perform as" is an accurate description of how a lot of us feel some days. Being "that person" is a performance. I notice it when I go to visit family, since I don't dress as I normally do (less "girl" stuff).

[ceri]

I think that every life has some performance elements, and that often these aren't bad things - we can use performance to aim for our best selves, virtues we have a tough time with, like that. It's when it goes beyond that to roles that just aren't our own anymore that it gets to be a grind.