Helpless time again
May. 23rd, 2009 04:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ceriIt took years of effort, as it always does, but in the end SSI did agree I have problems. What I didn't really get at the time is why the evaluators put emotional lability at the top of the list, ahead of what I usually think of as the "real" ones involving immune, endocrine, and other such complexities. Every so often something comes along to remind me with force that they did not make a bad call.
I navigate phone treees and deal with tech support stuff better than 78-year-old Mom does, and I tend to feel that she's earned a break on hassling such things when she doesn't feel like it. This morning something came up with her TV service, so I made a call on her behalf. It went badly. First the support person insisted on Social Security numbers for confirmation of both my identity and Mom's, a thing we've never been asked before, and I do this several times a year for her. Then they insisted that nothing could be done because the account is in my late father's name, and Mom would have to fill out a change of name form for it. This is a rank lie, or a terrible misunderstanding.
But I couldn't explain that, or do anything, really. I melted down. I got tongue-tied and inarticulate, furious about both the person on the other end and my own sudden loss of ability to explain (or demand a supervisor, or anything), then exhausted and depressed at another failure to do something so mundane. These episodes are officially not seizures because they don't produce the distinctive EEG activity required for a seizure diagnosis, so they're in my medical file as "seizure-like episodes". I staggered off to bed and slept badly for several hours. I'm awake again, but I'm still drained and shaky, and fighting down pre-migraine sysmptoms. The day's a dead loss for anything productive.
I do have some evening fun to look forward to - an in-game social event in World of Warcraft with some of my favorite people. And I let them know that I'll be slow and quiet, and that's okay with them. So I'll have fresh things to think about in a few hours. I just hate breaking so damn easily.
I navigate phone treees and deal with tech support stuff better than 78-year-old Mom does, and I tend to feel that she's earned a break on hassling such things when she doesn't feel like it. This morning something came up with her TV service, so I made a call on her behalf. It went badly. First the support person insisted on Social Security numbers for confirmation of both my identity and Mom's, a thing we've never been asked before, and I do this several times a year for her. Then they insisted that nothing could be done because the account is in my late father's name, and Mom would have to fill out a change of name form for it. This is a rank lie, or a terrible misunderstanding.
But I couldn't explain that, or do anything, really. I melted down. I got tongue-tied and inarticulate, furious about both the person on the other end and my own sudden loss of ability to explain (or demand a supervisor, or anything), then exhausted and depressed at another failure to do something so mundane. These episodes are officially not seizures because they don't produce the distinctive EEG activity required for a seizure diagnosis, so they're in my medical file as "seizure-like episodes". I staggered off to bed and slept badly for several hours. I'm awake again, but I'm still drained and shaky, and fighting down pre-migraine sysmptoms. The day's a dead loss for anything productive.
I do have some evening fun to look forward to - an in-game social event in World of Warcraft with some of my favorite people. And I let them know that I'll be slow and quiet, and that's okay with them. So I'll have fresh things to think about in a few hours. I just hate breaking so damn easily.
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Date: 2009-05-23 11:42 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2009-05-24 04:02 am (UTC)