The holidays have always been a good time for me. I'm lucky, pure and simple: it always mattered to my parents to make Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's good times for us, and they pretty much always succeeded. In my adult life there've been some times when I could travel or host relatives at the holiday itself, but none marred by the kind of sorrow, anger, and other emotional ick that afflicts so many people I know. This isn't boasting—like I said, I'm lucky and simply try to protect the goodness that's been given to me.
Mom's here now, on a visit that's just about a whole week long. It's a good one. We're now less actively burdened by grief at losing Dad, more into the looking ahead and next things. We continue to not really talk directly about gender identity matters, but she does notice my improved happiness and well-being and appreciates very much all the things that contribute to it. We're coming up on it, albeit slowly.
Partly I don't want to add burden that can wait some—since whatever there may be for me in the way of transition is still ahead—at a time when she's got active problems that can't wait. Something went really awry with her vaccination this year, it seems. Since getting her flu shot at the end of September, she's had persistent pain and impaired mobility and strength in that arm and shoulder. Vicodin will knock her out; Aleve keeps the pain dull. Physical therapy and massage provide temporary relief, but nothing lasting. Scans and tests are not yet revealing what the problem is, so she's trying a different doctor next week. And there are some other things that really can't wait for her, too, like advancing cataracts that will need surgery early in the new year. Right now it's my place as a loving daughter to support her, comfort her and help her get to and through all this. Then we can turn more to the rest.
In the meantime, our time is good. Each of us has some really sick and ugh moments, but this isn't news for either of us. We manage. Between these times, we laugh a lot, share quotations from our current reading, talk seriously of some things and lightly of others, play with my cat, and have companionable silences.
It's a good 'un.
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