Well, I was never an honour student (that ship never even got BUILT, much less launched) but yes, so very, very yes. I weep for the person I might have been, but I know that whoever she might have been, I am no less valid a person, however much of my potential I squandered.
That's my feeling too. And after all, life has a big dollop of reinvention whatever we do - even people not in the midst of any single big change like you or me are still constantly letting past things slide and taking up new ones, so that we have chances to escape being prisoners of past choices and missed opportunities and all that.
Every decision we make opens a door while closing others. Usually it's trivial. I wear a blue top instead of a green one, big deal. Sometimes it's big. I turn hard to the left as my car careers toward the asshole who's cutting across my path and the right side of my car is demolished but I'm unharmed.
The trick, and I'm still working on sussing this out, is learning to let what might have been go. If I could have started estrogen at 13 I could look as good as Kim Petras. If I'd started at 20. If, if, if, it's all so bloody useless. Things are how they are, and I am who and what I am and THAT is what I have to build on. Not who I could have been if I'd been born physically female or started E 29 years ago.
I sort of worry that the Cum Laude Society may come after me since they made clear at the awards dinner in high school that the one condition was that I do something to better the world. However - I long since lost the pin! So eat it, Cum Laude Society!
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2009-09-15 04:27 pm (UTC)(By which, yes, that last panel ... I wake up nearly every day wondering that exact thought.)
no subject
Date: 2009-09-15 09:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-15 10:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-16 12:32 am (UTC)The trick, and I'm still working on sussing this out, is learning to let what might have been go. If I could have started estrogen at 13 I could look as good as Kim Petras. If I'd started at 20. If, if, if, it's all so bloody useless. Things are how they are, and I am who and what I am and THAT is what I have to build on. Not who I could have been if I'd been born physically female or started E 29 years ago.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-16 01:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-15 10:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-16 03:36 am (UTC)